Penance: April 12, 2011 - Relapse

Prompt: "But when I came back it was more of a relapse."

Source: "The Calendar" by Panic! At the Disco

Original Airdate: Today.

Response:

She speaks slowly, as if every word is painful. Her hair has fallen into her face, obscuring most of her features, except for a plain little nose with a little bump on the bridge that suggests it might have been broken once. She twists her left pinkie, as if she could take the digit off. "Everyone was so happy that we got back together, but when I came back it was more of a relapse."

Her back hunches down into the chair, as if she thinks she can fold inward and disappear completely. "I didn't know what to do with myself without him. I couldn't - couldn't get anything done. So I packed up and went back, like I packed up and left."

I can imagine the scene, having listened to this woman so often in our group therapy. I can imagine her anger and determination to leave her brain-dead, junkie boyfriend. I can imagine her dejection. I wonder: if I left Brandon, would I be any different. I can't imagine not relapsing, as she put it, and coming right back to him.